Tuesday, November 29, 2011

a time for everything.

So there's been something on my heart that I journaled about a long time ago, that I feel led to share here.  I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, someone, somewhere needs to read this.

In May 2006, I had a miscarriage.  It was very early on and I didn't even know that I was pregnant for sure until I miscarried.  We weren't trying to get pregnant and I was on some medication that probably caused it, but I had the strongest ache in my heart for a while.  And this loss made us realize that we were ready to start trying for a baby {you can read a little more about it in Layne's Birth Story}. 

When I delivered Layne, I had such a spiritual revelation.  I cannot imagine how anyone can not believe in God after having a child. There's no words to explain it...it's amazing.  And it made me think that had I stayed pregnant the first time, or even conceived in the other four months that we were trying to get pregnant, I would not have had that exact baby.  That she was destined by God to be our daughter. 

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Fast forward one year almost to the day.  We had just finished Layne's first birthday party when I took a pregnancy test.  Positive.  We were shocked.  And weren't exactly happy at the time.  I had been having headaches that I was able to link back to my birth control pills.  I stopped taking the pills and we were going to try the Rhythm Method.  You know...take your basal temperature, chart it, avoid ovultaion time, etc.  Except the first month was obviously not successful. 

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It took me almost two year to realize that every. single. thing. about Gray's conception happened for a reason.  Obviously, it was God's plan for us to have Gray and He was the one who caused the headaches.  And caused me to make the decision to go off the pills.  I thank God every day for that little boy. And for the headaches.  And the Rhythm Method, LOL.  Isn't that amazing!?!

Psalm 139:13-17  is such an amazing passage that speaks about this.
Reading this passage, I'm comforted to know that God planned this life of mine out.  He knew that I'd marry Matt.  And have those two babies.  And He knows already of any more kids that we will have.  And the day that I will go to meet Him. 

It's comforting to know that my fate isn't in the hands of luck.  Or kharma.  Or my own hands.  My fate is determined by God.

And one day, we'd like to have another baby.  It has been such a blessing to keep this verse in mind.  I'm not anxious or disappointed when I'm not pregnant each month.  But comforted that when it happens, it will be the baby that was meant for me.

And if you are dealing with a loss, or are having trouble trying to conceive, or maybe even a surprise pregnancy...know that He is in control. 

3 comments:

  1. This is so sweet, Sarah. I believe you're right, too. Each of these little miracles were meant to be yours. :o)

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  2. After my first I remember thinking the same thing you said about how can you not believe in God after having a child. It was such beyond science, super-natural experience. I can also relate to the rest of the post, one of the many blessings of being a Christian and going through miscarriage is that we will meet our babies in heaven. Also wanted to mention for anyone having multiple miscarriages to have their thyroid checked. Something that simple can make a huge difference.

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