Monday, August 15, 2011

The day I became a mama...

Short Version

Today, four years ago, was the day that I became a mama.

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Layne Dahlila was born on August 15, 2007 @ 7 lb. 11 oz. via c-section.

Today, my sweet princess turns 4 years old.

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I am amazed at the little lady that she has become.

Long Version

In May of 2006, I was a week or two late. I didn't think I could be pregnant, but I took a test anyway. Negative. A few days later, I had a miscarriage. It hurt my heart in a way that I didn't quite understand. We weren't trying. I didn't even know that I was pregnant. But I felt the loss. The loss of what could have been.

It was then that we decided that we were ready.  Ready to try to become parents.  After waiting 2 months to be off some medication, we started trying in August.  August came and went.  No baby.  September and October too.  In October, I did some major praying.  Praying to be able to see God's plan for us.  For patience.  For guidance.  And we decided that we wouldn't try.  We'd just let whatever was meant to be happen.  And in church on a Sunday in late October {I kid you not}, I felt myself ovulate.  Three days after Thanksgiving, we found out that we were having a baby!

The beginning of my pregnancy was rough.  I felt sick a lot.  And had a very hard time eating anything.  I lived on Smoothies, crackers, and Carnation Instant Breakfast.  But after 14-15 weeks, I felt good.  And my entire pregnancy was smooth sailing.

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{35 weeks}

Throughout my pregnancy, I worried about my delivery.  My mom had three c-sections.  My little sister had a failed induction that ended in c-section.  I didn't want a c-section.  I was going to the same doctor as my sister had used and I wasn't comfortable with the way he was talking about my chances of c-section.  He seemed to think it was inevitable.  And my L&D nurse friend didn't hear very good things about this doc.  So at 30ish weeks, I switched.  I loved my new doc!  He was very laid back and had YEARS of experience. 

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{40 weeks}

When I was 40 weeks 6 days {Really 40 weeks, 1 day by my ovulation date}, he offered to induce me. And I jumped at the opportunity.  I couldn't wait for my little girl to get here!  We got to the hospital at 6 am and started pitocin.  After hours of pretty bad contractions, I wasn't progressing at all.  And the pain was more than I could take.  I got an epidural.  And honestly, it must have helped relax me or something because I progressed to 4 cm within an hour or so.  I progressed to 5-6 cm over the next few hours.  It was slow progress, but it was progress.  Around 10pm, I was 6 cm.  Same at 11 pm. 

My doctor came by and talked to me.  I was failing to progress and my cervix was swelling.  I was told this was a bad sign.  He left the decision up to me.  After another 30 minutes, I decided to go ahead and have the c-section.  After all it was inevitable.  My mom and sister had to have c-sections.  I guess it's genetics.

Matt and I were prepped and we were taken in.  It wasn't scary at first.  They did their business and pulled out my screaming baby girl.  We both got to hold her briefly.  But, Matt was pale.  And clearly trying not to freak out.  He gave Layne some attention, but he couldn't leave my side.  The surgery terrified him.  And by that point, the medication was making me so shaky.  They took Layne to bathe her and wheeled us into recovery.  I had to wait a long 45 minutes to see my girl again.

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But when I got to see her, she nursed great and my recovery was typical.  I didn't have any problems bonding with her and she breastfed like a champ.  I was slow to get back to myself {probably 5-6 weeks before I felt normal}.

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Looking back, I made so many mistakes in my birthing process.  I was uneducated and didn't have the right information.  I won't go into too much here, because this is a celebration for my girl's birth.  But I wouldn't have chose an induction until 42 weeks at the earliest, I should have asked them to turn off the pitocin and let me see what happens, and I should have tried to wait longer, change positions, etc. 

Regardless of my birth experience, my girl was sweet.  And beautiful.  And she made me a mama.

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What we went through to get pregnant was NOTHING compared to so many people that I know.  But it was hard for me to see at the time what God had in store for me.  Until this sweet baby was born.  I know that if I had gotten pregnant any of those other months.  Or if I wouldn't have miscarried, I wouldn't have this exact baby.  This exact girl.  And I thank God that this was His plan.  That she was meant to be mine.  And that He trusted me to be her mama.

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Wanna read about my second birth?  Here's Gray's story!

1 comment:

  1. So sweet. Beautiful story. Thanks for sharing Sarah. And a tad bit educational too. I'll file that info away until I need it someday...

    ReplyDelete

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